GOMER PYLE

A Poem by: Fernando de Mello Pimentel

I’m a morbid obese
who has a craving for nachos & cheese.
Nobody phones me. Not even my niece.
I’m so lonely I even named my rifle “Chanice”.
Pleased to meet you, I’m Gomer Pyle.

I’m so useless I can’t even make my own bed.
The other day, I fucked up so bad
that the entire platoon beat me ‘til I was nearly dead.
They were looking for bats, but used soap bars instead.
Pleased to meet you, I’m Gomer Pyle.

I’m always hungry, that’s why I keep a jelly doughnut.
The extra calories have added 10 inches to my butt.
I’ve been acting quite weird lately. I may be going nuts.
That’s probably because lately I haven’t had Pizza Hut.
Pleased to meet you, I’m Gomer Pyle.

Sergeant Hartman really despises me and so does Joker.
He has to put up with all the bullshit of babysitting me.
During his free time he no longer plays Poker.
I embarrass the platoon. Everyone seems to agree.
Pleased to meet you, I’m Gomer Pyle.

I’m in a complete world of shit now. Can you see?
I didn’t even hear the sergeant saying “0300 Infantry”.
It seems like I’ve made it, but without my sanity.
I’m all alone in the bathroom. Just my rifle and me.
Pleased to meet you, I’m Gomer Pyle.

It’s 3 in the morning and I start yelling the USMC creed.
Joker walks in and doesn’t believe such crazy deed.
A little push. That’s all I want. That’s all I need.
To pull the trigger and make someone bleed.
Pleased to meet you, I’m Gomer Pyle.

All Rights Reserved - 2008 FPimentel Poems & Publishing Co.